YOUR PATH TO A HAPPY FUTURE
Even if your separation or breakup feels dark and chaotic right now, let me assure you that it is possible to separate (or break up, or divorce) in a positive and forward-looking manner—whether or not your partner is on board. I developed after my divorce the Positive Separation Method™. Let me take you back to the time I was a few months into my own divorce.
”Life feels raw and uncertain. It hurts deep in your bones. You feel blocked, and scared, and reactionary. You feel lonely and weak.”
Divorce. Breakup. These are plastic words; they mean nothing until they happen to you. Suddenly, the days are ticking away, and they feel endless. Life feels raw and uncertain. It hurts deep in your bones. You feel blocked, and scared, and reactionary. You feel lonely and weak. I lost weight – too much weight – and as the pounds dropped off so did my strength and resilience. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t relax. My mind told me I’d made the right choice, but in my wounded heart I wondered if I’d ever find the kind of connection and joie de vivre again. I wasn’t whole. I wasn’t certain I would survive this. One day, a few weeks into the divorce process, I took a detour instead of biking straight home from our mediation meeting andI stopped at a cute little cafe in the center of Amsterdam, on the Prinsengracht Canal. I didn’t see the pretty blossoms on the trees outside. I didn’t see the glint of sunlight on the canal, or the boats cruising on the calm water. I felt like a big ball of aching emotion spinning in a void, all alone. I’d been avoiding people for months, processing the whole transition on my own, but now I just wanted someone to hold my hand and guide me through the mess my choice had made of my life – of all our lives. When – when I decided that I wanted to be the happy, vibrant person I knew myself to be, and not a gray shadow of myself – this sucking, negative spiral was not what I had envisioned!
In order to create a positive separation (rather than a traumatic or harrowing one) you need to have the right perspective. You need to get up, roll up your sleeves, and face your new reality head-on. Then, you need to do what you can to nourish your body, manage your tumultuous emotions, complete your daily tasks, care for your family, and let the rest go.
”You need to heal your broken heart, and find wholeness within yourself so you can rebuild your life and create a happy future.”
When you separate from your partner whether you initiated that separation or not – you have a big job to do. You need to keep your life going every day, and move it in a new positive direction. You need to untangle your possessions, your friends, and your social life. You need to unravel your emotional ties, your family ties, your entangled hopes and dreams. You need to heal your broken heart, and find wholeness within yourself so you can rebuild your life and create a happy future. This process shakes you to your very foundation – and while you’re falling into that deep hole, and boulders are raining down on your head, you will have to try to navigate the world like a grown-up and fulfill your responsibilities.
The way to your positive future is the Positive Separation Method™!If you follow these steps and implement the actions within each, you will be firmly on the path to an empowered new life! Please join me.
STEP #1 DISCONNECT FROM YOUR OLD LIFE
You cannot move forward if you are always looking backward to what was or what might have been. Today, right now, you need to stop living your old life and start living your new one.
- Look honestly at your current circumstances. Understand where you need to create stability for yourself (i.e., in a new living situation, with a new schedule, or stress management) and what tasks you need to accomplish.
- Unplug yourself from your old dreams, goals, habits, patterns, and expectations. They are no longer applicable to your life.
- Create a new, happy vision for your life and future based on what you want out of your life, and who you want to be in it.
STEP #2 FOCUS ON WHAT YOU CAN CONTROL
If you try to influence the feelings, thoughts, or behaviors of your ex-partner (or anyone else involved in your separation), you will waste a lot of valuable time and energy, and create unnecessary stress for yourself. Instead, focus on what you can control—like your own thoughts, feelings, behaviors, goals, and commitments.
- Get clear on what you can and cannot control in your separation.
- Make a plan for dealing with your challenges as they arise.
- Make positive commitments to yourself which align with your vision for a
new, happy future.
- Set immediate, short-term, and long-term goals to help you make
tangible progress toward your future vision.
STEP #3 RECONNECT TO & EMPOWER YOUR CORE
Sometimes, when we are going through a separation (or any other major period of stress), we forget who we are and what we love about our lives. In Step 3, it’s time to get to know yourself again—especially the positive, amazing qualities that make you a vital, happy person!
- Get to know your Positive Inner Drivers (your positive qualities and attributes).
- Make a plan to manage your mindset and work through challenging emotions.
- Create your Winning Team of friends, colleagues, and professionals so that you have a multi-layered support network and never feel alone in your separation.
STEP #4 TAKE LOVING ACTION TO CARE FOR YOURSELF
Taking care of yourself is vital to navigating your separation in a positive, empowered way. The more consistently you can maintain a positive environment, a healthy body, and a relaxed mind, the more energy you will have to complete your daily tasks, reach your goals, and create your happy future.
- Create a positive environment for yourself both physically and emotionally.
- Surround yourself with people who uplift, inspire, and care for you.
- Eliminate or minimize contact with negative people and situations.
- Organize and clean out your belongings.
- Take good care of your body through regular exercise and attention.
- Make time to relax completely on a regular basis.
STEP #5 MOVE FORWARD WITH CONFIDENCE!
Once the physical tasks of your separation are complete, you will be ready to move on into your new life! This step is not only about continuing on the path you created back in Step 1, but expanding your vision to include everything you want out of your happy future!
- Update your plans and goals to support your vision for a happy, joyful future.
- Take time to feel grounded in your new life before inviting a new
partner to share it.
- Reinforce your positive mindset and emotions.
- Celebrate your achievements.
‘’A Happy Future Won’t Magically Appear. You Have to Create It’’
This article was written by Eveline Jurry, the writer of ‘Happy Again! The Art of Positive Separation’! Foreword by Katherine Woodward Thomas, the New York best-selling author of Conscious Uncoupling. Her work has been praised by best-selling self-help authors Jack Canfield, John Gray, Katherine Woodward Thomas, Marci Shimoff, Debra Poneman, Janet Bray Attwood and Chris Attwood. Her first book, Je Wordt Weer Gelukkig (You Will Be Happy Again, 2013, Bruna/Lev) was a best-seller in the Netherlands, followed by a successful shorter version.
Eveline Jurry is the creator of the Positive Separation Method™ and the author of three books, including ‘Happy Again! The Art of Positive Separation‘. From her home base in Amsterdam, The Netherlands, she teaches people how to create a happy future during and after a divorce or separation. Eveline’s latest book Happy Again! The Art of Positive Separation, now available worldwide, is written in a down-to-earth, no-nonsense enthusiastic style with European flair. The powerful, step-by-step guide provides a blueprint for navigating daily life during or after a breakup or divorce working in the meantime towards a brighter, happier, more fulfilling future.